Diatribe for the Unknown

plan of action

i've been in a rut recently. i think the pressures of life are sometimes too overwhelming for me so i opt for numbness and procrastination instead. its been awhile coming as i've been avoiding anything important for the last couple months.

so my plan of action involved going to a life coach who has had an impact thus far. i'm still dealing with the "i don't care" feeling which may be somewhat related to my current career choice of couch potato. hopefully signing up for some basketball leagues and forcing myself to be more active will help. i really need to work on being more self-aware. i let others bring me down and it is time i stop. i want to be more kind this year, mostly kind to myself.

i look back at my history and i don't think i've ever been selfish. i usually put my needs on the back burner...bending backwards for others. but my goal for now is to fix my broken self. in this lull state i may have lost my identity. my life coach asked if i still practiced my traditional and spiritual beliefs of my culture. i was sad to say no. i really need to be more self aware. be more confident.

this is the year of the rhi.

superman

You know the night is going to be memorable when your senior exec is doing the superman dance. It actually started off on the wrong foot as I was imitating a sexual position with my bff and turn around to see her looking at me with a disappointed face. Not the way I pictured my first time meeting her face to face. I attended a speech she gave earlier during the week and was looking forward to the time I would get to meet her face to face so our first meeting was tainted with some awkwardness. After a couple drinks, my past was forgotten.

The conference is amazing. I've gone to a couple seminars that focus on "race", religion & sexual orientation in the workplace, and leadership development (which was an accident). I also found out that I am a cross dresser but it is socially acceptable for me because I am girl. I've met some really amazing people. In one day, I've professed my love to my new manmates, the fastest I've ever done that. I've gotten more kisses from my male counterparts than I ever knew I'd get in a lifetime and I actually enjoyed them. I think I'm pretty much living the life of a fag hag.

Welp tonight is the gala and I've volunteered to help out so I must get ready and head back over to the conference. Who knows when I'll post again, probably tomorrow as my new best friends all leave and I'll need an outlet to let out my sadness.

first thoughts on DC

i have landed in one piece in the capital of our nation, the flight was pretty good considering it was a tiny plane. I am a little bummed that i forgot the camera-to-computer connector so my initial wants of a more picture-focused couple of blogs are diminished. instead you will have to put up my flirtacious rhi-words instead.

i had to pick up some small things such as a lock, cotton swabs and ku-tips so i ventured out within a 2 block radius of my hotel area. i am actually 2 blocks from the white house, i think this is the closest i'll ever get to political...and i think i'd like to keep it that way.

on my way to CVS (bless this nation for conglomerates) i ran into a pack of pro-life demonstrators. i got to witness an old lady yell at a metrosexual because he informed her of his pro-choice views. it was mostly funny because she was cussing and telling him he needed to be man and not pick on an old woman. i think maybe i missed the first portion of the argument and could only chuckle as i walked by. there was a crowd of maybe 50 people, ringing cowbells, carrying signs, it was a sight to see.

see...being in DC makes you all political. i've only been here about 3 hours and already i'm confronted with thoughts. i'm not sure of my stance on abortion. i'd rather leave it up to the woman involved. i think she should have a choice since it is her body and her life that is involved. i guess you could say i'm pro-choice. the government and outside influences should not decide what a woman is to do. a woman should be educated on what her options are, no matter what they are. her situation and what she believes to be her own best interest is what is important. this is the land of the free right? i think if i were thrown into a situation where i was pregnant, i'd want to be able to think about it logically without the constraints of the law. but then again, that is me, every person is different and believes in different things which makes this world so beautiful, we are able to practice and think what we want even though we are all so different. those people are able to protest and freely demonstrate because of the law we have. yes you do have to get a permit but you are able to stand on the sidewalks and express your opinions to people on that same sidewalk as you. you may change peoples minds and you may not, and doesn't that just make you feel so lucky.

i feel lucky right now as i'm 2 feet away from a nice warm bed. speaking of which, i'm beat. i got 4 hours of sleep last night so i think this is my night to get more than that. woo hoo! good night...

lima bean jiggle

i realize that i pay money for this damn blog so i might as well type something into it. what the heck was i thinking?

welp, i was at umass the other day and i wrote a page long mindeater that just isn't going to see the light of a blog day. i can sum it up pretty easily. it involved seeing myself as a pile of ashes. it was pretty lame and had no real significance. i just thought it'd be fun to be a pile of ashes because ashes are free unlike their former self being packaged up and lit on fire. Not to say that there is anything wrong with being packaged up and lit on fire (please take no hidden meanings from this post).

i'm at work today, wearing shoes with hearts on them (i customized one side and went creative - drawing broken hearts in place of the lovey dovey hearts - yes sometimes i am a creative spunk of thyme). on my desk lays my new messenger bag care of andy warhol (see here if you are not able to stand in the presence of such a piece of art). i am definitely too old for the damn bag but it was a turning 28 life crisis purchase. plus i'm wearing jeans at work. i'm what they call the epitome of bad milk as jeans, sneakers and skulls are not allowed at work. i've run into my boss, the head boss and my mentor today, though none of them have given me the look as though they have drank some sour milk...

onto other things...

life has handed me a coach bag and here i stand not knowing what to do with it. i feel as though i should keep tender care of it yet i feel the need to trade it in for another messenger bag that may be useful but won't hold the same monetary value that a coach bag will have. right now i'm opting to keep the coach bag rarely using it. one day i know i will use the coach bag to its full advantages, i think the smell of the leather and the stiffness of it is preventing me from fully enjoying it. plus i'm just not a coach bag person.

hidden messages much?

go listen to bright eyes - bowl of oranges

caffeine seized veins

A couple things for today -

One of which involves the Patriots. Bill Simmons has a great blog entry about the recent transaction that includes Randy Moss coming to the Patriots for the 2007 season. It is a move I'm quite excited about even though Moss has a not-so-clean past. Everyone is talking about Moss and how he has taken a pay cut but no one has said anything about Tom Brady taking a pay cut. I think this is a bigger deal than the Moss pay cut and just shows that Brady is a classy guy with a hot girlfriend. I think he just realized that he has it all and money is the least of his worries.

Also, BostonNOW had a blog addition today that answers questions about Islam and gives some history about the religion - http://askmuslims.blogspot.com/ - if anyone is interested, I've only read the first entry but it is definitely enlightening. I have been meaning to put up a link for more information about the Middle East but have yet to do so. I've been getting quite the education about the ME since taking my Middle East class. It has definitely been eye opening.

In other news, I am addicted to soy mochas. I had one last night and I had one this morning causing me to get 4 hours of sleep. I should have only gotten about 3 hours but I could not get up this morning. I have so much crap to get done in the next 2 weeks that I will be sleep deprived. But do not worry (which I'm sure you were) I have only been getting smalls. A fun fact about these mochas is that they have less caffeine than coffee. I found that surprising since I thought expresso would have more caffeine than coffee. To my surprise that is not true. Anyway this new found love with mochas will end once my semester ends. I plan on having a healthy summer, trying to keep fit for those summer beach days.

I am so excited for next Monday to come. It the last week of basketball until June. It will be good to have some time away from that. Though I have a couple plans in store for the summer season. One of which involves a website overhaul. Look forward to my flaunting of that in future posts...

abstain from worldly wonders

I'm enjoying this new governor of ours...

http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2007/04/24/patrick_seeks_to_forgo_grant_end_classes_on_sex_abstinence/

One of his latest projects involves not giving funding to abstinence of sex curriculum. I am not sure what he plans to put in place of it. I'm thinking that it would be fun to give young adults options in terms of what sex is all about. I was actually taught sex education at a basketball camp in 9th grade and as funny as it was, it was definitely good to know. Unfortunately for those camp directors I never did put that learning to work but I do know how to put a condom on a banana.

Anyway it would be good to give each student an option. Tell them about abstinence and tell them about condoms and sex. Let them decide for themselves what they want to do. It is risky putting that kind of choice in their hands as they are still kids but we can't always protect them. They have to protect themselves or else how will they grow up? How will they become responsible if we are always there trying to shield them from pregancy or STDs or enjoyable orgasms? Maybe I'm just being silly because I myself don't have children. But I do have a younger brother and sister. I would want them to know both sides of the story. It can be hard to not be biased in some way but why not show both sides. The good side of sex and the bad side. Then let them decide...

But if we keep treating them like children then they will always be children.

swimming pool on storrow drive

I narrowly missed the largest pothole of my life today on Storrow Drive. Lucky I did because there were FOUR cars pulled over because their front left tires were pretty much dead, it was ridiculous. I just really don’t understand why the Road/Highway/Public Works people can’t put up a cone to let people know that there is a huge hole in the road. Doesn’t that seem like the obvious thing to do especially if they are too lazy to cover the hole up in the first place? I’m not lying when I say that the hole was 3-4 feet in diameter and pretty deep.

Today I tried to find a number that would allow me to report a pothole but the only number I could find was in the bicycle section of the mass.gov website. Does the state of Massachusetts purposefully make it hard for people to find a telephone number to report problems with the roads? Glad to know that my tax dollars are not used here. But I guess I shouldn’t complain because then I feel like I’m back home with all the potholes in the roads, it makes me feel like I’m back home on the washboard dirt roads leaving a dusty mess behind me.

Anyway here is the only number I could find dealing with potholes…617.635.7555

good vs evil

I just found the one present I want and will never request a present again...EVER.

http://www.20ltd.com/pws/Home.ice click 'english', then once it loads click '20'

A Good vs. Evil Foosball Table.

Some of the players featured in the game - God, Mother Teresa, Jekyll/Hyde, Hitler, Lady MacBeth, Mary Poppins & Lucifer. How could you not want a foosball table that featured these lovely characters, though I'm seriously considering just creating my own which featured different characters. A couple ideas come to mind, like 90210 vs the OC foosball table. Or boy teenybopper singers (justin timberlake, nick/aaron carter, nick lachey, donnie wahlberg, joey mcintyre) vs girl teenybopper singers (avril lavigne, kelly clarkson, christina aguliera, jessica simpson, hilary duff, lindsay lohan, debbie gibson) or maybe just my own special good vs. evil foosball table.

I think the lineups would look something like this;
Good Team:
Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, Santa Claus, Ghandi, Big Papi, God, Albert Einstein, Harry Potter, Martin Luther King, Anne Frank, Christopher Robin

Evil Team:
Death, Lucifer, Hitler, Hannibal Lector, Kobe Bryant, Voldemort, Jack the Ripper, Lady MacBeth, my 3rd grade teacher, Gargamel, President Bush

I think I may start saving some money for a table since they are pretty nice. Here is a link to the people who make these tables - http://www.elevenforty.com/

Now that I think of it, I may just have a foosball table full of pretty people that may involve the following - tom brady, rachel mcadams, eliza dushku, ryan gosling, sophia bush - just to name a few. When would I be able to have the chance to play foosball with pretty people? why not in my basement...

Power with steel or words?

Some fun things to read if you are interested. Alternet has a story about Gays with Guns. This seems to be a catch-22 since it's hard to imagine a gun-toting gay person. For me personally, I could not imagine ever carrying a gun but I'm sure if some traumatic experience happened to me that could have been prevented had I been carrying a gun, I would beg to differ. For me there are several things to take into account if I owned a gun. First, I wouldn't want someone's destiny in my hands, no matter how cruel they were to me. This could be my catholic upbringing subconsciously telling me that I shall not kill. Also, what if I were to go into a fit of rage I could not competently comprehend, I would be a danger to any living thing around me. And, what if someone were to steal my gun, I would be morally responsible for what that gun was used for since I was the one who unresponsibly let it be stolen. Don't get me wrong, if you want a gun then by all means own a gun but I don't think it is for me.

On a lighter note, Bill Simmons and wife have some great blogs for your reading pleasure. The first one comes from my man Bill, it is genius as it talks about how basketball has transformed into a ME first sport, http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/blog/index?entryDate=20070329&name=simmons. I love his writing so much. He cracks me up with his use of humor and pop culture references. What cracks me up even more is when people take the stuff he says out of context so then he has to spend another blog entry explaining in laymen's terms what he originally said. Good times.

Also, for the fans of Simmon's wife, she has her own blog now with ABC. There is a link on Bill's ESPN site, but anyway, she is doing play by play's of the show, the Bachelor - http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=bachelor/review1. It's pretty funny, and just reading what she has to say makes me want to watch the Bachelor just so I can see what she is talking about.

Now that my friends, is a power couple.

burden of beastful songs

If there is one person that can make me feel good about myself, it is my hair stylist. She is a mastermind when it comes to cutting my hair. I think she could even cut it with her eyes close but then I don’t think it would be straight. Anyway, yesterday I thought about the idea that one day she could up and leave the area at any point. And if she did, I would seriously cry. We’ve become pretty good friends as we can actually have conversations and remember details about each other that you wouldn’t normally remember with strangers who cut your hair. There are no awkward silences, fake conversations based on the weather or Paris Hilton. Instead I can tell her how crushed I am that there are no Orange Julius’ in the area or that I had a dream about having pieces of pepperoni attached to my body the other night. She knows my hair better than I do. And she is now my friend on myspace. I think that’s pretty funny. What’s pretty funny is now I pay an arm and a leg to get my hair cut and feel fabulous while back in the day I paid $20 to put my hair up in a ponytail everyday.

Also, thanks to a friend (Sara), I was surfing Bricks and Stones a couple days ago…for those of you that don’t know about Bricks and Stones – it’s pretty much a gossip blog that shows pictures of the latest celebs out and about. It is my small smut joy that I indulge in every so often. I like looking at pictures of Scarlett Johansson and the Rachel McAdams/Ryan Gosling pair. So anyway, I was surfing the pictures when all of a sudden I saw a picture of Jenner. Apparently she stars in some E! reality TV show, Paradise City. The girl and I tried to watch an episode of it last night but it was really lame. Sorry Jenner I couldn’t get into it. (Side Note: Jenner and I played basketball together in high school. We were kind of friends as we hung out at school but not really outside of school, she was a year older than me. I thought she was funny and pretty cool but a couple of my friends couldn’t stand her and thought she was bitch...I think this was due to her good looks and their jealousy but hey, maybe she brainwashed me into thinking she was “cool”. Either way I beg to differ because she was always nice to me. Also, I pretty much like anyone as long as they meet the following criteria, a)blond, b)not a boy, and c)is not better than me at basketball. I think this post will now have me labeled as a bigot.)

Maybe one of these days I’ll share my other bigoted views with you. But I'll have you know that I was only somewhat kidding with my criteria and if you didn't know that, then I'm sorry to report that you don't really know me do you? Good day now.